‘Fear is the path of the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.’
Certain incidents that happen in our lives have the power to change the way we look at things and people; sometimes, they bring us some smearing shame that is powerful enough to haunt you in the days yet to come.
Everyone of us have fears and we are good at hiding them. Speaking out your fears is like putting yourself down, that’s what our mind makes us believe. By confessing about our fears to our dear ones will make us feel much better and they would never put us down in anyway.
We all have insecurities, even I have so many of them. I have been able to overcome most of my fears but there are still some that remains. We have a battle within ourselves; we gotta distinguish between the right and wrong.
Remember, when we were kids we used doubt everything and question WHY?. We were filled with questions and curiosities, because we wanted to know the world and wanted to see its beauty. Well now, just look at us, most of us might not have experienced so much but we are already done with this life. We say that our life is boring or it’s not going well enough that gives you happiness and etc… Just see for yourself, do you have those questions in you that you had before?
When I was a kid, I always had two fears; one, The Fear of Heights also known as Acrophobia. Whenever I went through this stage, my legs would start shivering and I would be in high amount of stress that my nose would start bleeding.
I remember once in school when I was in third grade. Our school had emergency exit gates beside the building and we used to climb those to get to our classes. The stairs were made of iron so when we step on it, it makes a huge noise and it would shake under our feet. Due to the fear of heights I would never use them, instead I would take the long way and reach my class. But one day I was late and the gates of the passage I had been using were locked up. So I was forced to use the emergency gate. I never used them because I had to climb to the third floor and it’s a long way up which I had to get there by myself. However the bell was going to ring and I had to get to class before I was too late. I saw no one beside me so there wasn’t any noise coming from the stairs. So I took the first step and paused to check whether there was any noise once I heard nothing felt a bit relaxed and kept my second step holding on tight to the railing as if my life depended on it. I kept each step slowly without looking down and somehow reached the first floor. With this confidence I was moving to the second floor, when I heard a big noise coming from downstairs It was my classmates jumping and running late for class. I held my ears tight scared to take the next step, I stood there waiting for them to pass me. But as they came close the movements became intense and I could feel the whole staircase shaking vigorously; this made me think I was gonna die. One of the girls asked me, ‘why are you standing here, come on let’s go!’,but I refused to join her and smiled and said to her, ‘no, you leave I will come’.
Seeing my expression and attitude she understood that I had some kind of fear in climbing the stairs, with that she started jumping on it and once again it started to shake. Half broken I started to scream and in anger said her to stop it. But for her it was like a clown act and laughed aloud by pointing at me. The fear that I had cannot be explained to her maybe because I dint know how or maybe she didn’t give importance to my pain. Each jump she took was like stamping hard on my heart. I couldn’t go down neither up, I was just jammed in between. I even thought I would never see my parents again. Funny I know; But I can’t describe the utter fear I felt that day.
Tears started to flow down my cheeks and my hands started to turn red in pain because of how tightly I was holding my ears. After she was done playing around, went back but I was stuck there without even having any strength to move forward. I stood there helplessly with my tears and broken words. I Could see no one around and silence took place. Slowly holding the railing I tried to sit on the step but by that time my nose started to bleed and I went breathless. I tried to take my inhaler from bag but the only thing I could do was to hold my water bottle and and fell from my position without any control.
Seeing my condition a teacher comes in and picks me up. Seeing the blood stain on my uniform she takes me to the first aid with the help of another teacher. The first aid ma’am called my father and asked to pick me up and reported the incidents to him. My dad was at work, so by punching out he came to pick me. I was upset because cause that fear made me miss that class, moreover got fever and missed the whole week. Dad took me to his work place as No one was there to take care of me while my parents were at work. My mom and dad work at same hospital, Dad in the first floor and mom was in the second floor and usually I sit with dad. Realizing the fear I have, dad wanted me to overcome them.
So he used to take me to the play ground and tried to get me through every playing equipments (slides, swings, stairs) that’s been available there, which went in heights and speed and everything. Whenever I did each one of them well he appreciated me for doing it well and that gave me the boost to do it again and again well enough. I started to climb stairs up all alone myself.
Getting to the class after a break, I was standing looking at the exit stairs which left me in a mess. I wished to climb those stairs and fight it by myself. There was a slight pain in me but somehow gained all the courage and started to climb them. Whenever I climbed each one of them I was proud of myself for doing it. Even though dad was not there physically, his appreciation was echoing in my ears which gave me the strength to continue. When I reached the third floor and I was the happiest person right there at that moment. There was no one there to share this happiness because no one knew the emotion I had for it before and after. Whenever I got the chance I used those stairs and made myself free from the fears I had of it.
Even though I didn’t realize the importance of the actions that my dad made me do but after years I understood that by staying idol you won’t gain anything, you have to fight to get the desired results. Do it. Fight with it. Only that can help you to overcome the fear that you have in you.
Then the second fear I had and still do, is the fear of loosing my loved ones which is known as Thanatophobia. Yes the fear, maybe the biggest fear I have. Leaving my parents broke me every time they left me. (educational purposes) When I was a kid, my dad used say to me that he will send me to boarding school and he used to explain the things that would takes place over there. Imagining it would put me in pain because I could never even imagine leaving them and staying somewhere else.
After my parents it was Bincy (my best friend) who I never wanted to leave. She is so close to me that leaving her was unimaginable. I never kept anyone close to my heart but if I did then that means that person is my life and leaving them always made me in a broken state. I am an introvert, I like to express my feelings through words moreover won’t get attached to anyone that easily but, yes if anyone is made close then the fear of losing them is in me. I always request them to never leave me. yes, that’s wrong you should never do it to them, if anyone is suppose to be with you, they will be and if they leave let them.
Forcing someone to stay in your life will never make you get the right person. I always make myself believe in this. Any time if I have asked to stay then later they leave me; I would be in pain, a pain that affects my mental and physical condition. Sometimes it’s better to leave than to hold on, and I felt that’s right. Holding on will only cause more hurt.
We fear to leave the ones we love, maybe because of the care they had for us, or the love they showed us before. But look for the present if they have no care nor love for us then what’s the point in holding onto them. You can lock animals and force them to stay but that’s not possible with humans. Even if they physically appear to stay do you think they would give there love to us. Well that can never be assured. If a person’s action and words doesn’t match then never believe his or her words. Such people’s words are only to please you for the present benefits. If they really mean the words they say then their actions will follow. You give away the care and love what you have but never expect it back. Expectation kills, but how can you not expect from someone who is dear to you. We are normal people filled with expectations but the more you expect the more you will be in Pain and that’s a proven fact in the field of psychology.
‘Its very painful to leave the one whom you have given complete value and importance in life. When you are dependant to that person and your life is meaningless without them, that painful feeling cannot be expressed, it has to be felt ‘, these words by my friend felt to be true. Well we all have some or the other person whom we depend upon but we must realize that we should never depend on anyone, it’s your life live it for you! Depending on the other will only cause harm to you. Nothing is stable, everything and everyone moves on. Do good, it will return to you in unexpected ways but never get dependent on anyone but if someone is dependent to you never leave them in middle of the way. Either teach them to be independent, direct them and support them to rise, and if all these are not possible then let them be with you till life goes. Make your part right cause your actions are you destinies.
‘We do not fear the unknown. We fear what we think we know about the unknown.
– Teal Swan
I have always been against Glorifying Over Work and therefore, in the year 2021, I have decided to launch this campaign “Balancing Life”and talk about this wrong practice, that we have been following since last few years. I will be talking to and interviewing around 1 lakh people in the coming 2021 and publish their interview regarding their opinion on glamourising Over Work.
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN PARTICIPATING IN THE SAME, DO LET ME KNOW.
The copyright of this Article belongs exclusively to Ms. Aishwarya Sandeep. Reproduction of the same, without permission will amount to Copyright Infringement. Appropriate Legal Action under the Indian Laws will be taken.
If you would also like to contribute to my website, then do share your articles or poems at firstname.lastname@example.org