I have been diagnosed with it since the last two years. Well it’s scary speaking about it openly. And this is the first time I am actually openly expressing my underlying thoughts about it. So, firstly what’s is ASPD?
According to google: in some cases, a person’s way of thinking and behaving can be destructive — both to others and to themselves. People with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) have a mental health condition that causes patterns of manipulation, tactics and violation of others around them. This condition overwhelms their personality and sometimes over-powers them.
Personally speaking, ASPD is like, some nagging voice which doesn’t let you feel any remorse or guilt or feel responsible for the acts done. Even sometimes causing hurt to other be it physical or emotional or any kind, which gives them peace of mind or happiness even.
Well it’s weird or scary to understand this I know. When I was diagnosed, to be honest I didn’t understand, the more I knew about it, the more I could relate. And I understood maybe I am just wired to be this way, which isn’t weird. It’s mostly the feeling of numbness, and people’s pain and suffering and destruction and to get things for our own profits, etc., makes us feel something, or complete even.
I was like it, since years or even childhood. But finally knowing about it, it was DIFFERENT. So what are ways we control people or how do we do that:
• Being angry often
• Being arrogant
• Manipulating others
• Acting witty and charming to get what they want
• Lying frequently
• Acting aggressively and fighting often
• Breaking the law
• Not caring about personal safety or the safety of others
• Not showing guilt or remorse for actions
Okay now you must be thinking, what all characteristics do I possess among these? I am angry, arrogant, don’t care about people in general, incapable of feeling guilt and remorse, fight a lot, act witty or sweet or manipulate to get what I want and then leave. About not caring about laws, I never did, that’s why I wanted to do law, to have control over it or command or to find loopholes or remedies or how to escape.
Maybe it’s sounds like madness but it’s my normal and my story. Records say, only 3% of males and 1% of females are diagnosed with ASPD. And I am one of them, so technically I am rare. And it’s not like I don’t laugh or smile or don’t react, but it’s mostly just used to pretending just to be sneaky and now it has become a habit.
In India, people don’t care about mental health as they do about their physical well-being. Maybe if more people get tested or reach out, many will be such with some or the other traumas backing them into a mental disorder. Same way, somethings happened when I was just a child which made me angry and arrogance since I was 5, or partially numb, the only thing I actually felt was anger, which sometimes over powered me. It’s not like I am a harm to society or people, because people with ASPD, have basic ways they deal with people, mine being, LOGIC.
Logic meaning, I read books, I know things, I watch, I observe and thus effecting my behavior.
ASPD is also know as Sociopathy.
Now people believe that sociopath and psychopath are almost similar terms but no they are different. To say:
• Moral Compass: A sociopath understands that what they are doing is technically wrong, but they have rationalized their behavior in their own minds. A psychopath, on the other hand, doesn’t see their actions as wrong at all. The psychopath’s lack of conscience means they don’t feel guilt, while a sociopath may experience guilt (upto some extent or for some people or a particular category).
• Interpersonal Connections: While sociopaths and psychopaths both struggle to forge emotional attachments with others, psychopaths are incapable of doing so, while sociopaths can actually have a few meaningful relationships in their life.
Well to control some excessive outrage or burst of emotion may sometime require medication. For example: mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety medication, antidepressants, antipsychotic medications, etc.
It’s all about support, sometimes people if they know about it, they treat differently and thus getting a rise of them. All these years of trauma and this disorder taught me something, “Its true that we are all the way we are because of our experiences, it can make you or break you, but we still have the power over it and thus goal being, to come out of it powerful and invincible.”
I have always been against Glorifying Over Work and therefore, in the year 2021, I have decided to launch this campaign “Balancing Life”and talk about this wrong practice, that we have been following since last few years. I will be talking to and interviewing around 1 lakh people in the coming 2021 and publish their interview regarding their opinion on glamourising Over Work.
If you are interested in participating in the same, do let me know.
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