People and doctors define anxiety as onset of uneasy feelings and thoughts. Thoughts that overwhelm and tire not just the mind, but the body too. My first bout with anxiety began as a child when I was in primary school. I used to sit with my mother to study in the evenings but the sheer pressure to read and learn would get to me and I’d cry and cry. My mother tells me I used to cry inconsolably.
My mother found it difficult to manage me. Then jumping to teenage, I’ve been the angry teen ager who fights with her mother and has fits of anger with her father. I feel like laughing at it now in my 20s. But it did impact my relationship with my parents in those years. My strong headed attitude was admired but I didnt know what was enough and when did I stepp ahead of my boundaries. I used to speak too passionately and get emoiotnal too easily.
Even today, I find it difficult to control my tears at someone’s pain and anguish. But when I was a teen ager, I didn’t know how to handle my strong emotions. Even to this day I doubt my abilities to manage myself. I’m still an easy crier. Now in my early 20s I feel like my confidence has taken a low hit. It hits rock bottom at times. Somedays it gives me the courage to be ambitious. Rest days, I just try to slog through.
Recently, my anxiety has doubled. I find it difficult to comprehend my emotions. I find it difficult to seek help. Although I’ve been an extrovert all my life, I still don’t realise what my body and mind are going through. Mental health is an enigma for me today. The lockdown has exacerbated mental health issues of many. This is because we don’t get to go many places. And even if we go, we are more concerned of sanitising and covering our faces than enjoying.
I don’t blame the lockdowns for my mental health. I’ve been a hyper kid. I’ve been that way all my life. But the expectations that I have from myself and the delays I face in achieving them, truly has challenged my abilities to feel at peace.
I hope someday I shall find solace. I’m trying each day to manage my thoughts and worries. Many people like me are trying. I salute each one of us who’s battling anxiety. Because it’s tough to be happy everyday. And we’re trying so hard. May we all find peace and happiness in life.
I have always been against Glorifying Over Work and therefore, in the year 2021, I have decided to launch this campaign “Balancing Life”and talk about this wrong practice, that we have been following since last few years. I will be talking to and interviewing around 1 lakh people in the coming 2021 and publish their interview regarding their opinion on glamourising Over Work.
If you are interested in participating in the same, do let me know.
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