Motherhood is stressful in general but what is so special about being an Indian Mother that makes it even more stressful ?
Maids and helpers were our supporters but with the lockdown and pandemic,it has only become even more difficult for us.
Recently, I saw a post in a Facebook group where they where a woman hadd asked how did European and American mothers manage their house and life with no support system and sometimes more than 4-6 children and a career to go along. A few mothers from India chipped in to answer and a few mothers, who are Indians based out of these continents chipped in. So I read those conversations and I have summerised the same hereunder.
Cooking Elaborate three times meal, preparing everything basically from the scratch
Somehow in India food is the basic requirement for survival. We judge everything on the basis of food and how a person can cook. If a woman does not cook an elaborate meal three times a day, that means she is lazy. If a woman cannot cook a particular cuisine, then she hasn’t learnt anything in life. And God Forbid if she admits by mistake that she does not enjoy cooking, then imagine the hell breaking loose on her.
Somehow, in India, women are identified by their cooking skills even today. No matter how much we call ourselves progressive or modern, it finally burns down to the basic fact that how good are you in the kitchen.
Too much interfearance by the society.
Social Media is meant to be used for digital socialisation, but unfortunately, our society uses it for digital gossip. No matter, how hard you strive to showcase that perfect family of yours. Some or the other person, will always manage to find fault within you.
If you post pictures with your husband, then they will say you are showing off, if you post pictures with your children, they will pass comments on whether you are a good mom or a bad mom, if you post pictures of yourself alone, then just forget the amount of trolling that you would be subject to.
Social media has today become another platform for comparison of our lifestyles and setting unrealistic standards. Social Media is infact pushing a lot of women into depression because they are unable to have a lifestyle probably which a few people, pretend to be having.
No me time at all
If you are an Indian Mom, I dare you to sit in one place, with a peaceful look on your face for just 5 minutes. I don’t know about others, but my kids most of the times, want to go for their potty, only when I have food in my hand. In Our Society, it is a crime if a mother does something for herself. A simple act of 5 mins of extra sleep is never without the company of extra guilt. Guilt is one of the reasons, why most Indian Mothers are stressed.
Sending mothers down the guilt trip is something mandatory for our society to do.
Women are allowed to pursue careers, motherhood does not stop them from having their own careers.
A child needs both parents to grow together, yet somehow as per the Indian society only mothers are important for the child. If the mother is missing even for two minutes from the life of the child, she is called names. If she wishes to have career, then everything has to be arranged by her.
Sharing of chores between the couples is something that is seldomly done. If a husband is understanding towards the requirements of his wife, he is called names by our society. If the husband adjusts as per the wife’s requirements, then again he is called names. Even though today a lot of women are opting to resume their careers post children, yet modern day mothers are called names because they are effecient.
We as a society, never fail to understand and appreciate that a woman has also put in equal amount of efforts as a man in building her career and she has complete right to decide whether she wants to continue it or not. Stop passing judgments on her behalf.
Good use of machinery
With Vaccum Cleaners, Dishwashers, Washing Machines being introduced in India since a few years back. In India using machines such as Vaccum Cleaners and Washing Machines, also make you entitled to the term of being lazy. For urban cities, we cannot even think about our lives without these, but still for some people, only laziness is associated with use of gadgets.
We use maximum gadgets available so that we can multitask and complete maximum chores at the same time. With the lockdown and discontinuation of maids, a lot of women have finally resorted to use the latest gadgets available for cleaning our homes.
No human being is perfect, but that does not give us the right to pass judgment on someone’s choice of life. This year onwards I have decided not to do any endorsements for Mother’s Day. I don’t know I some how find it wierd, on one place we judge women and mother’s for their every step and on the other side we send emotional forwards about mother’s and motherhood being a blessing. Somehow, I do not agree with this hypocritical attitude of our society.
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