Suraj had speech delay. He started speaking proper and clear sentences only by the age of 4 years. One of the reasons for that was lack of social interaction and my post partum depression. But when he started speaking, he spoke 3 languages simultaneously, clearly without any stammering or any speech issues. Comparatively my one year old has already started blabbering and argues with us if we ask her to do something.

I grew up admist friends and cousins. Vacations meant spending time with my materal and paternal cousins at my maternal and paternal grandparents house. Even today the body is super strong. We the 90’s kids, did not have fancy electronic gadgets, but we had happiness and our own imaginative games. My earlier house was on the 3rd floor and we did not have a lift. So it was a bit difficult to take my children down for every small thing. For the first two years I seldom took out Suraj because he was quiet heavy and secondly there were no children in our building of his age. I put him in a play groupfor a couple of months and that was hell for me. He would cry like anything for a few hours and would often end up missing his school due to cold.

Like every parent, I wanted my child to mingle with other children and have a social life. I started taking him with me for bloggers meet because I wanted him to mingle with other children. Sometimes, I would lie and sometimes beg the agencies to let him be with me.It was a challenge to get him socialise with other children.

Lockdown has thrown this challenge once again in front of me. Being in the house 24*7, my daughter is unable to meet outsiders. The other day, when I took her down in the lift to visit my parents, she cried her lungs out in the lift. She had forgotten how it is to go in a lift. When we reached my parents house, she was cranky for two days because she by now she was used to seeing only me, my husband, inlaws and her brother. The challenge that I had a few years ago was once again back in front of me.

I am tired and exhausted by the fact that I cannot make it normal for them to have human interaction. I feel horrible for myself because I am unable to give them a childhood, where they could stay carefree in other houses like I did. I do not know, what future holds for them. The most pathetic thing is that we need to pay and buy them company. I was glad that this house that we have moved in had a garden and lot of children playing around. Then the lockdown happened. Back to Square one.

Yes, I know that life is long but a mother’s worries are always endless. Sharing your worries always makes you feel a few tons lighter. Its ok, to talk about your fears is what I believe.

What are the fears that you have as a mother within you. Do let me know in the comment section.

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