#featured Parenting

Not having children post marriage is a choice

Off Late,I have come across a lot of couples, who have mutually decided on not having children. I have a few friends  who are  in their 30’s, single and are fully convinced that even if they find someone, and they get married in near future, they would not have children. I know a few couples, who have mutually decided to not have children.

In India, the stereotypical mentality is college, the join a good company, earn well and then get married to the person, your family selects. That is the formula for a perfect life in India, irrespective of whether you, are happy, ready or interested in any of the these. I know, this article, will receive a lot of backlash, from  the society for being senseless, old and too modern especially women.

Yes. They say that it is important to get married only when you are ready and find the right person, the same applies to children. Have children, only when you are mentally ready and not to please the society or surrender to family pressure. Parenting comes with a huge responsibilities, which is not limited to playing with a toddler, or taking cute pictures with them for an Instagram post. Parenting apart from these perks also include staying up late night when they are unwell, whether they are 3 or 13, making their favorite snack ready in 5 mins out of thin air, getting them their favorite toy, without letting them know, that you saved  up your entire month’s salary for the same.

As society says, children are not your old age retirement plans, I am sure few years down the line, my son would have, his own plans for his life, which may or may not include me. Yes, it is important to e financially independent for both the spouses and also lead your lives  the way you want to live for atleast sometime. This sometime depends on couple to couple. Atleast, tomorrow at 60 you wouldn’t e depressed because  you gave up your career for your child  and your child in return does not have a few minutes to spare  for you. It is more important to take care of your physical and mental health before you think about parenthood.

We have a population of over a few millions, yet we are shy to talk about sex. For us sex is still a taboo and something that need not e discussed. I know quiet a few of my girlfriends, who do not want to have children because they are scared of child birth and pain that women go through during their pregnancy. Trust me, I understand the pain. I had a planned C-Section,as I was overdue. I literally wanted to run away from the  Labor room, I was so scared of the anesthesia, that I was ready to run away from the OT. Even though my doctors ignored me like a kid and pampered me  but the fear was real. My blood Pressure Shot up.

I also know a few men who face similar fear. They are unsure if they are ready to take up this new responsibility and physically, mentally and financially, which is perfectly normal. The problem with our society is we just drop off responsibility and forget that a  person has to be ready for the same.

It is important that you talk to your family and friends, before you take this  step and most importantly, talk about the same to your partner  before marriage. Some people like children and some do not like. That does not make them a bad person !!. I know a few couples, who have also separated because this basic communication, was not clear between them. It is important  that  both the spouses understand and respect each others view point. Children to a certain extend help in strengthening your relationship with your spouse, but the same is not always true. Neither will staying childless, keep you young forever nor will having children make you old.

It is quiet tough to convince a society, which is just now accepting female child as an heir to accept that being childless, is also an option.

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