Breaking Down…Only To Fly More Higher

Motherhood was a stage a feeling that I had always wanted in life. Well I was always the sincere and studious kinda nerd and therefore would always get good opportunities career wise and enjoy them the most. Just because I did good in my Academics or work life, people (including some of my close friends) felt that I wasn’t a marriage material forget having a family and a kid. So that’s a brief background about the prejudice against me.

Cut to present where I have married a wonderful guy who has gifted me his replica in form of our son. Being a lawyer is a 24/7 work, one never knows when, what or How any crisis would pop up, so I had decided to go slow professionally post my marriage as having a child was my first priority. Subsequently, the moment I started reducing my work, my so called friends or work colleagues expressed their shocked to have chosen family over career (I think its my life and my rules apply to it). Secondly, when I got pregnant I still continued to work whatever little I could just so that I could keep myself busy. For someone like me who is a workaholic just sitting idle makes me crazy.

Till my 7 months I managed travelling, then post the 7th month for my delivery I went to my maiden home. This next 6 months time phase is when I could really take a break and analyse all my relationships around which I was respecting till date. Subsequent to my 7th month I almost became like a useless just another House Wife sort of for my those so called friends for about 7 to 8 years, the phone calls reduced, and slowly slowly the contacts reduced. This was the time when I really needed someone to support me and help me to pass this stage, but I was ignored as I was no longer of any use to them professionally or otherwise. 

Then my bundle of joy arrived, who bought a major change in my life. My family was the happiest and supported me in all the ways possible. Once my son was 3 months old I decided to come back to practice. This is where I received the most biggest shock of my life. I lost all my work as it was very cheekily taken over by the person I trusted the most. Secondly, there was an image formed in front of those that just because I got a kid now I cant work like before. I was broken totally as, the people on whom I was depending to support me mentally during my comeback had not only turned their back towards me but were totally strangers now. But I was lucky that a few people still thought I was good enough.

Slowly and steadily with the help of other friends I was coming back to work and my work life was somewhat normal. Then suddenly appear those faces who had turned their backs off and walked away when I needed them the most. True, motherhood teaches you a lot of things. One of the things that it taught me definitely who are my best friends and who are my friends for their benefit.

Today, sky is the limit for me and I am happy to have broken this false glass ceiling which wouldn’t have been possible without my Husband and my family and my Son who taught me what strength and patience means. Hope, I do not break down this time, when I go on my maternity break. One thing I realized a few days later is that, probably I was a bit weak that’s why I was desperate to fit into the image that made me perfect in other’s eyes.

If only I was strong enough to accept myself, I could have made the best out of my situation and not sat and cribbed and wasted my couple of years. As they say, better late than never, probably, the waiting period taught me, what not to do in life. The most important lesson that I learnt in this phase, was not to look around for acceptance from others and that is the lesson that changed my life.

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